2025 Recap: Thoughts, Trials, Tribulations- QUICK POST!

 Man, where the hell did the time go? Seriously, I am kind of bothered, but thankful that this year is over.

BUT! What I would like to parade first, as I see it as a really huge feat for me, after a whole year of whining about it...

I am re-enrolled in school, and I had my first therapy session! Everything might be getting better! And I am always thankful to those who have listened and kind of influenced me to be less of a degenerate; but more on that later. One sentence isn't enough to show my gratitude to my loved ones. 

It's been a year, I guess. I'll say in advance; if you wish, skip through my attestation and grievance regarding this year. I could probably write all of this in a journal, it just feels a bit better typing it out. I don't need to explain this one-million times, jeez, sorry. Well, how must I start this off. Alas, I did put it off til the very last day of the year, but in my defense, I've been having fun (with the exception of working so damn much resulting in way-too-long naps that waste my day).

OK...OK... How to start. I want to be thorough, but not too embarrassing. I would write paragraphs for each of my loved ones, but I would hate to not include anyone. I don't want too get too personal either. OK, I'll just get to it.

BTW this is in one go, if it's jumbled, forgive me, working on borrowed time! I got a busy day ahead of me.  

2025- Honestly, I have stated it as "one of the worst years of my life", but you know what? I learned a good bit. I suffered a great deal, too, but with that comes lessons, and as much ass I am tired of learning, it never stops, and that is OK! I started the year in a (semi) new city, in a non-idealized situation. A impromptu New Years celebration with a few friends, with a man shooting grocery-store fireworks downtown. In a way, that set the tone. A countdown by many, resulting in an underwhelming shower of sparks that may have only went a foot above me, followed by a proclamation of the mans birthday. Utters of "FUCK YOUR BIRTHDAY" scattered throughout. My friends and I walked back to my new apartment, where I set my heat to 80 degrees, a horrid smack-in-the-face. My last place didn't have such amenities, freezing my cheeks off in the cold months, due to a useless wall furnace, and neglected insulation. Yet, I have found myself missing that, I mean, it was my first experience of independence, and my surroundings were familiar, much different than this year. My friends went about their way, and eventually it settled in. Actually, I forgot to mention, shortly thereafter, I found out an old close friend was a degenerate pedophile, yeah, that had an affect on this year, too. ANYWAYS.

I had found myself alone, a feeling that despite all the love in my life, feels never ending. Last October, my mom moved across the state to California, and in every way I understood. Though I understood, it felt like a loss of its own. You really don't know how much you need your family til they're far, or worse, gone. Luckily, October granted me the blessing of her visit. I cried, not in front of her! But I cried, I cried a lot, I'm crying typing this! But, her absence is still felt. I spent most of this year alone, sending myself off to various nature expeditions, where I could be in a state of sedate and not really worry for the time being. It taught me patience, of sorts, and YES, I have always been an outdoors man, for the record, I just haven't lived this close to mountainous regions to do what I have this year. And for that, I am thankful. I felt constantly grateful to not live in my previous city, with every return back a bit more grueling. Traffic, construction, the disturbing calamity of gentrification plaguing the metropolitan areas of my state. Nevertheless, I missed my friends. I have always had a bad habit of internal disregard of relationships, as a way to separate myself from attachment or relation in anyway. Of course, that never is that successful, it is not natural, it is not me, at the end of the day.

I already had some friends here, that I am still friends with, and I love dearly! Despite that, I felt a since of infiltration, like I had to find my own friends, somehow. Beginning at my job immediately upon my move (I've procrastinated my job transfers before, and let me tell you, never again), I couldn't really get a gauge of the people that were in the area. My prior impression was from the shows I would come to, which I also felt myself outgrow this year, in a way. I didn't, and don't really know where my place is. A few months in, I made friends, good friends, too! I can't necessarily remember the timeline prior to summer, where i mentioned I was exploring a lot, and also, fall. Oh God, fall... wait maybe late Summer.

This Fall was terrible, I'll be honest. I wasn't even sure if I was going to make it out! I was having a great deal of private internal conflict, along with interpersonal conflicts of possibly every facet. With that, I would like to say again, I did learn. I had lost a few connections with people close to me, not necessarily in the manner of argument or hostility, but I guess just growing up. I had plans for the end of the year that exposed themselves as unattainable, I was feeling defeat. On top of that, the somehow physical pain I suffer in return of the grief of the death of my dear sister in 2019 (I did write about this), I had lost myself in a way. I was behaving in a way (in the comfort of my own home, OK, I wasn't doing crazy shit to people) that was terrifyingly unlike me, I wasn't working out or eating right or much at all. And then... I experienced TWO! flat tires, which is a very trivial thing in hindsight, but the first one was right before a flight to visit Sam, where I drove home on the flat and just walked to the train station and got to where I needed to be. I do, in a way, always figure it out, but I knew back home I had a lot to deal with upon my return. I couldn't set aside my pride to ask for help, I felt an unfair sense of pressure to figure this out. Eventually- A can of fix a flat sealed the deal. It was honestly comical, and I can't thank my friend enough for his help. Then... the next flat happened. Look, my car has been a vessel for constant problems, so this was getting old. I don't really recall much, I think I came to terms in a way. 

 I couldn't let myself stay in such a state, but in a way, I fear it. Thankfully, as I said, I have sought out therapy, and I couldn't be more thankful. I have been living in a bit of confusion and emotional isolation, because I know I am different, but I just don't know why, or how. It is OK. The thought of how I'm perceived kind of harbored it's stress in me a lot, too. I am not one to feel strongly about labeling my identity, it really gives me no satisfaction. I am just me. But, I went back to dressing a bit masculine, as my disgust with rampant sexualization and objectification of women, along with my personal male-oriented traumas, it feels comforting. BUT! I still haven't let go of an interaction I had a month or two ago, where an AMAB individual referred to me as "bedraggled" proceeded with blatantly sexual comments, made me realize it doesn't matter. The sick sex-crazed neanderthal creatures are everywhere. And that doesn't matter. Somehow, I have been seen in unpleasant lights often, but once again, whatever. It is worth saying, because it sent me into a spiral after, regarding my identity and whatnot. I should only be living for myself, end of the day!

Things eventually looked up, and to wrap it up, I must express the highlights! I experienced an awesome trip to see Godspeed! You Black Emperor with my friend and his bother, got to see Bladee with my friend, seeing other friends there, too. Truly a healing experience for teenage me, haha. I went to DC with Sam, and we got Norovirus from Chilis! I got to see my friends often, I walked a lot, and I finally returned back to the gym. I was blessed to cook for (AND WITH!) my friends. I got to do a lot of cool things. I found myself wrapped up in passions and fixations, hence why this blog exists! I met people passionate in beautiful ways, whether its photography, music, just anything. I am grateful for my friends, the lovely ones that have been there and the ones I am blessed to have in my life now. I was baking a lot for a while, before proclaiming a break to focus on moving, which is no longer happening. I don't necessarily care to get into that, but I believe it was for a reason, everything seems to be a bit better right now. Though the perpetual loneliness lingers, I know that I am growing, I am here, and I have good people in my life. 

Cheers to 2025 guys, I just sat down and wrote this. When I get home, or while I'm doing my laundry, I'm going to make my post about 2025 media I found and enjoyed. I should also make a photo post, whatever, I really gotta go, haha.

Much love

Iona 

Your Favorite Rappers' Favorite Rappers: Metro Zu

What's up everyone, it's been a minute. Well, maybe not, I think I'm just not as consistent with this blog as I would like to be. But, what good comes with force? It's difficult to be driven if I am not riveted with the topic. Luckily, I have been, which brings me here today, as I have been putting it off for a bit. I've been rather busy, with a failed attempt to move out, attempting to learn more things regarding music-making, and feeling my frontal lobe potentially solidifying. Anyways, enough on that. I hope you all have been well and awesome.

And for the record, I know the title seems obnoxious. It's a draw in, and may be true. I know that statement usually refers to MF DOOM. But wait, OK, listen... Hear me out, OK?   

Underground rap has always been a prevalent (and perhaps embarrassingly personal) interest for me, as I've mentioned too many of times. Being 22, I wasn't quite around for the hay-days of what I, and other enthusiasts (lol) see as the "golden era" of the underground, as this specific movement occurred when I was like, below 12. Though, when I was 13, I began my conquest on Soundcloud, but of course my involvement was strictly online.

OK, I’ve been struggling to think of a proper intro where I can meticulously slip the collective I’m talking about today. It's been hours of deleting and getting distracted so I will just cut to it.

Metro Zu. 

They have been in heavy rotation the past month, after some routine nostalgia-baiting, and it’s been a bit of an embarrassing fixation (all I want to talk about)... and that’s what this blog is for. Let me get it off my chest.

The late 2000s/early 2010s were a rich time for hip-hop, with “blog-era” rap emerging through internet circulation and kickstarting the careers of artists like Drake and Mac Miller, and the later development of rap collectives that remain widely known today, such as Odd Future and ASAP MOB. While most became later widely known, there lie a niche of hip-hop that could easily be categorized as something within the internet niche, I suppose, unless you were local to whatever respective scene.

 And within those scenes, Florida was a prevalent spot for underground rap, spawning rappers who have had their good deal of fame like Kodak Black, XXXTentacion, and Denzel Curry. But, some of the real, (and I’d argue, objective) kickstarters of the scene never went far out of their home state… that is, unless you were a computer-dweller. One notable character would be Spaceghostpurpp; the undeniable pioneer of the darker aesthetics in internet based music, drawing from 90s Memphis rap, horror, and other lesser-used influences, marking the beginnings of an edgy subculture that lingers on today. But on the opposite end, there was Metro Zu. A group started by two brothers Ruben Slikk and Lofty305, and Poshgod, the collective started small, only thereafter including one other official member, Mr. B (Poshstronaut), with the exception of affiliates Mike Dece and Denzel Curry. Their style was one I can only describe as horny, weirdo stoners. Or at least, that's how they started. Their lore remains a bit vague, as I browsed reddit and the Wayback machine for whatever I could scrounge up.

*I won't use this post to recommend albums, as I haven't made it through their whole discography, being that a good amount of it is off streaming, and I haven't had the time*

Poshgod, Slikk, and Lofty

 The group formed in Miami in the year 2007, when they were all still in high school. Self releasing mix-tapes online, dropping 15 before their gradual disbandment, with the last tape coming out in 2013/14(?). Their output was somewhat intense, with 3 or 4 tapes a year from 2010-13, which I guess in retrospect isn't as much as some rappers during that time (quantity over quality money mindset). The difference with them, though, they never seemed to have a weak record. With production ranging from your typical (BUT NOT TYPICAL) "cloud rap", local-representing Miami bass, straight up Dubstep, you name it! This gave a refreshing, new sound that was undoubtedly enjoyable as really any kind of music. Well, for me personally, I don't find intrigue to play it around people, as there is one common occurrence in their music- skin crawling-ly sexual debaucher themes. Like, it gets a bit overbearing at times, but more on that later. Their distinct, feel-good, jocular sound made for something truly special, which can be seen as a time piece today.

Zu Lambo for 2012 Art Basel

This goes for their art/art affiliation as well. Thanks to producer and artist Poshgod, their aesthetic was unique, and his art style pretty representative of the 2010s. In the beginning, they decorated brother's Lofty and Slikk's parents home with their trademark art style, with the home soon began known as the "Zu Mansion", covering their rooms in profound grafitti. Many photos show Posh decorated skate decks, backpacks, and huge art pieces. They became heavily involved with the Miami arts scene, going on to create displays for the Art Basel, even spray painting a Lamborghini that went on to be sold as an art piece. 

With this definitive style, they went on to become what I mentioned in the header- your favorite rappers' favorite rappers, all while remaining relatively unknown. Prolific artist Yung Lean has constantly represented them, mentioning them as an influence in multiple interviews, and even starting his first show ever with a Ruben Slikk song. You honestly can hear the influence in his early works, with his ridiculously sexual and nonsensical lyrics. Lil Peep also was allegedly a fan, with multiple videos of him

 Zu mansion (MOEGREEEZY on Flickr)

dancing to various Zu-affiliated tracks. Though I can't say I hear a similarity, same with XXXTentacion, who is said to be influenced by the group. In the more recent, rapper Xaviersobased has been said to be a fan, even having a track called "yung feeshmeeks", a reference to Ruben Slikks most notable (weird) moniker. It's truly intriguing, as all of these artists are relatively large, and the underground becoming more prevalent, as quite literally everyone is constantly online now. 

Kushpack cover

Now a brief excerpt to talk about the actual music. Their first release, Kushpack Vol. 1 includes some of my favorite tracks. Softwork Hardhead has the silliest beat ever, and this tape includes less stomach-churning mentions of objectification. It just sounds like dudes having fun, my kinda thing. Buddha Therapy is probably my most listened tape, as the bass is nice and it serves as pretty upbeat music, as goes for everything else I have heard from them, with tracks like "Whitegirl" with it's 80s-esque dancey beat. If you like the dancey stuff, check out the 2011 tape "Electrozlapp", I was at the gym having fun listening to the track "Dance" today. Their discography is all over the place, I could sit around recommending tracks all day, but if anyone is curious, just message me! It's real vast.

Slikk pre-arrest...

On the other hand, I believe this short-lived local fame and relative public nescience all made sense in the end. With the previously mentioned overwhelming themes, it does not necessarily represent a great image. It was obvious it was reaching for that almost horrorcore-like profoundness (less violent than, say, early Tyler the Creator), but it was glaring at a point it seemed to be a bit sketchy. While you can differentiate the content through each members solo works, with Lofty305 being a nerdy, stoner, sometimes introspective freak, and Ruben Slikk rapping endlessly about sex in a off-putting misogynistic way. With his sexual obsession eventually taking over his life, as well as heavily mentioned drug addiction and a myriad of arrests, he seemed to be the catalyst to the end of this era. I don't necessarily want to turn this into a Slikk-a-thon, so I'll link a video here, if you're curious about his debauchery. He's probably the most covered thing in relation to Zu, being known as "the rapper who robbed a walgreens", and just a downright gooner. Don't get me wrong, I listen to him maybe *too* often, and I believe he was undeniably talented, but sabotaged his fate in a way seemingly irreversible. It is sad, but... watch the video honestly, I'd rather not beat a dead horse, this post is to display intrigue of the music, and the *vague* lore.

Now, I don't entirely believe in separating the art from the artist, but I can also vouch for the fact the group made phenomenal music that inspired later artists, and created a unrepeatable impression on underground rap. It's like the emo band Brand New. Vocalist sucks, I will not financially support them, but I can not deny their influence and insane run of albums. None of this is said to be controversial, as it is something I often speak of, with the age of accountability and call-outs. 

To close this off, I would like to state something, as it honestly tainted my motivation to write this. Parasociality is a curse, and I do believe we should hold individuals accountable for their actions. Just because someone is "your goat" does not by any means mean you should disregard their behavior and allegations, or beg them to become what they used to be. They are a human being, and human beings can be disgusting. Assault of any form is non-excusable, I don't believe it is something you can grow from It really was a shame, the amount of "don't cares" I saw on threads regarding Ruben Slikks potential allegations and charges. I have been met with this argument in my personal life, and I think this scratched the itch into a anger-induced gash of sorts. It's not funny, it's honestly disturbing how often I see this in general. Please hold people accountable, as well as yourselves! If your homie sexually assaulted someone, there is no simple way to put it, that is not a good person. OK, OK.

 But anyways, Yep, Metro Zu. Maybe this was not a convincing write up, but I had to get it off my chest. It is an interesting rabbit hole of sorts, and you can look at it retrospectively, as I have been.

 Thanks, and until next time! Also, if anyone ever listens to stuff I post about, tell me, haha.

- IONA