Alright, it's been a minute, again. I have NOT put any effort forth on my hypothetical "long-form" project, I haven't been in a place to do such. It's an unpleasant time to be alive, truly. I'm not even sure what I have been doing, either.
Anyways, ignore all that mess, I don't need to explain myself, I suppose. I yearn to write! Well, to talk about the things that interest me!
Now, I had to write this, I have just arrived home from work, and immediately grabbed my computer and sat down, because I believe I have stumbled across one of the best hip-hop albums!
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| Isn't this intriguing? haha |
At my mundane, nonetheless jarring 5AM shift, I decided (in co-ordinance with the Devourment hoodie i decided to wear) proclaimed the day as Slam-Sunday. As I get older, my tolerance for heavy music slims and stretches in it's own ways. I found some cool early BDM projects, but it's not a genre I can say particularly moves me (I mean, what the hell am I going to relate to? It does rock though.). There's not but so much themes of assault, violence, and whatever else I can handle. I am normal... Maybe 3 or 4 albums in, I switched it up and went for some good old hip-hop. Upon searching, An album cover with a sonichu-esque sonic, and a bouquet of roses came into my sight. What is it, a meme album?
I assumed this was a recent album, especially as it's credited release date was 2025, and with the aesthetics, album title, and my business at work, I was inclined to assume such. Especially with like, Chris Chan and the underground's (Obviously) direct association with internet culture. Especially nowadays, I have the unrelenting qualm that very little is taken seriously... but I DIGRESS! This album, God, it's far from any of that. I suppose this was, in fact, part of the early days of "internet rap", where artists like Soulja Boy and Lil B basically take the spotlight, as prolific artists (ok, maybe not artists considering Soulja Boy, but he is a prolific individual, of sorts). Unbeknownst to me, there was a whole movement referred to as the rap-blog era! Outside of the widely renowned folks that have their followings now, I'm sure there is so much sitting dusty in the decrepit shelves of the internet.
Upon those shelves, though, I have found "Charles Hamilton" a New York rapper, that has released 234 mix-tapes and 36 albums in his musical escapades, beginning in 2006, and his first full length release in 2008. His career, upon my research, made me cry to dive into. It is another unfortunate case of untreated mental illness deteriorating a true what-could-have-been. From his signing to Interscope, which he was quickly dropped from before a first release, a punch from a his then-girlfriend during a rap battle (really of the era right?), and controversy involving him falsely crediting J Dilla as an executive producer on one of his albums, he became a character that was picked on rather than praised.
Like most artists with unnecessarily extensive discographies, there is MEANT to be a gem or two. As this is a discovery as of today, I've only listened to 2 releases, and it breaks my heart to know this talent never quite caught on, aside from a slight cult following/praise upon some of his releases on music rating sites. But, I got lucky to hear what I consider a unique experience of an album
Well Isn't This Awkward? was released February 12th, 2009, and is ranked at #1 for releases in 2009, if that gives you anything, I don't know.
Before I proceed, I strongly urge a listen of this album. It's an *alleged* concept (I say alleged for reasons), and I think with the intro tracks, it doesn't really prepare you for the movie-like sequencing of the album... Aside from the intro introducing it as a movie that basically describes what you're in for, I'm just not sure I was prepared going into it!
We are introduced into the record with this:
The first two tracks, "Scorpion" and "Neverland" didn't entirely rope me in, though I appreciated the yearning only present in late 2000s/early 2010s pop rap (think those music videos where the singer is dancing through hallways chasing after a girl, like that one Chris Brown video... haha). I proceeded, as it never hurts to give things chances, and I've been reminding myself of such. The following track "Romatic Vents" opens up the tone a bit more, expressing the loneliness he feels in paying-for-puss and still wanting the woman he can't have... real vulnerable. It ends with the lyrics
"our eyes steady talking, and you're tryna fight it
But some things, baby, are not worth hiding
And we can find heaven if we can work together
So won't, won't you tell me, and get it off your chest"
These lyrics, though romantic, are about a woman he doesn't even know! But, he has a real way with words.
The woman he is referring to is soon revealed in the track "Re-anna", which quickly made me realize what the hell he was on about. Even utilizing Rihanna tracks as samples, it emphasizes this obsession. Initially, I was listening and thinking about how infatuation is one of the most miserable and exhausting things to deal with, and how obsession, especially with the hand of mental illness truly makes navigating relationships (platonic or not) difficult. He is truly obsessed though, making up sexual scenarios (Match.com), arguments (like in the track "Psycho Bitch"), and the falling action of "Penthouse Elevator", where he finally is in the same space as his fantasy lover.
This record is lyrically vulnerable and scattered with clever bars and composition. I don't want to put too many lyrics on this post, because I want to emphasize JUST LISTEN TO IT!
After the narrated wrap up of "Penthouse Elevator", the two closer tracks, "In Case it Doesn't Work Out" and "In Case I Actually Get Her" gives us two different endings; One repeating that his fantasy lover isn't into him, and the other repeating a "just in case", both basically expressing that there isn't a chance, and essentially he has created another entity of a being of this woman in his mind.
Maybe this wasn't worded the best, but I believe he deserved a lot more as an artist and a human. He independently sought out help in 2010, a year after this tape was released, had a track on the show "Empire" and has since done interviews, speaking on his mental health. His blog is still active today, and he has a whole website dedicated to all of his musical content. Though he seemingly isn't doing awesome, he is alive and continuing to fight the battle. Oh, and he still loves sonic, a present figure in many of his mix-tapes, and in his beats.
if you made it this far, thanks!
-IONA
