I really should get more creative with the titles. Of course i'm going to think everything I enjoy is underrated! Anyways, it's been a bit of a month. Probably said similar in the last post I made on here. Whatever, no need to get into it! I will say I am cooking up a pretty lengthy write-up in circumstantial relation to the post today. It may take a bit, but I am dedicated! Not that anybody asked, but hey...
I'd like to preface by saying I do not want to turn this into a "check in on your friends wah wah don't kill yourself" kind of post, as this artist obviously suffered enough in his short time on this earth... though I think that sentiment is important especially in this discussion. I would like to honor his music, as it has been something I have circled back to for the past 5 or 6 years. His fate was damning and I think the one full length he put out is nothing short of a cry for help, for lack of better word.
Now, as I said, it's been a month. It's really hard to fully decide on what I want to hear. Sometimes dramatic music makes me feel stupid, sad songs make me annoyed, that whole thing. I don't necessarily want to r
esonate with others, I don't want to feel impersonal to what I'm listening to. Though, I like to listen to things I guess with less prevalent vocals? Stuff that feels maybe less human-like? I don't know, like ambient music to kill yourself to... kinda thing. Not really making much sense. That being said, though, Dylann Angercar is an artist/project that tends to check off all of my unnecessary musical standards in these times.
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Dylann Angercar (Dariel Andrew Garrido) was an underground artist, releasing various beats from 2016 under the name "Sendai Miller" up until 2018, before changing his name to the afformentioned. 2019 he would release his full length "Inhaling Light", shortly before taking his own life at age 16.
Information regarding him is difficult to find, as all I have to go after is his Twitter (I advise you to not seek this content out), useless Reddit threads, and his Soundcloud. As well as a damning 4chan thread posted 2 days before his death, with a myriad of useless virgins encouraging him to take his life, as requested. It is truly sickening. I think it's important to not think of suicidal behavior as "attention seeking", it's an overwhelming battle, and if somebody is displaying actions that could be mistaken as such, it shouldn't really be brushed off... as I can see with Dylann himself. When you're that young, and suffering that much, it's hard to find a correct outlet or way to express yourself, especially if you don't have proper support. Though, he expressed himself through music, and that is truly something. It's still kind of difficult to muster up the correct words regarding his death and what he left behind, honestly, all I can do is honor the art he made and pray that he is resting peacefully.
Inhaling Light was his full length released May 2, 2019, consisting of 15 tracks and a digestible 31 minute runtime. I can't recall my initial exposure to him, could have possibly just been rummaging through Soundcloud as teenage me did. I'm not sure if it stuck the same at the time, but I know that it sticks now, and it has for years. It's a distorted and ominous listen, there was truly an aching young heart put into it. I find the unintelligible lyrics to be extremely telling, as the instrumentals speak their own language... each song truly says enough. It has resonated with me strongly recently, i found myself re-listening to it on a 4am walk to work... kind of wasn't an awesome choice, but it felt right. I would like to credit tracks like "I Was in the Middle of a Dream", "Milk" and "Rec 444" as being 3 of the bleakest and gut-wrenching tracks that tend to find their way back to me in my lowest of points (whatever, corny statement but I mean it). It kind of feels like alienation in the form of a song, some of these tracks. I think the modernization and "underground" influence makes this record feel all the more personal, especially as a internet-dwelling teenager/20s individual. It kind of feels more alone to really just have yourself and a computer you can make sounds from, assuming this was the case as he was just past pre-teen at the time of recording (and equipment is pricey, but alas). The use of slowed down tracks, the quirky ringtone and video game samples, and dissonant vocals display the adolescent fragility of a teenager. Yet, it hasn't aged poorly, 6 years later, he will live through it. I hope it gets picked up by a label, or something, for physical release...
Honestly, I wish there was a way to know his influences, on "Human Honey", he samples "Black Country" by noise rock band Tonstartssbandht! Frankly, the only song I can get behind with that band. That's as far as I've identified with his samples, as he is not a well known artist, sadly, it's not accessible information.
That being said, I am having a bit of trouble writing about this album. I could go track by track, but I think it's something that just needs to be experienced. Hell, my mom really likes this album! It's good! Why was someone 15 and making music like this!
Ok, well, it's late, and after coming across some pretty disturbing images and refreshing myself on his bleak, cut-short lore, I feel a bit sick. Not to be dramatic! I think it's a good time to circle back and perhaps end this with what I said I didn't want to make this post about... Check in on your friends, ok! Times are really tough right now. I hope you guys are good! If you made it past this babble, stay tuned for whenever I happen to get my next post out. This was just a brief post as I want to encourage people to listen to stuff they may have not. You never know. Ok thanks!
- Iona
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